Whenever I can I like to drop in at the Calf B for an overpriced cup of coffee. It\u2019s not the coffee, which is passable, it\u2019s the company. They got this big old round table in the side room where the locals will be gathered in the event that it\u2019s \u201ctoo wet to plow\u201d, or \u201ctoo dry to plow\u201d, or \u201ctoo cold to plow\u201d, or \u201ctoo\u2026\u201d, well you get the idea. Sometimes it\u2019s funny, sometimes it\u2019s very serious war planning. But it\u2019s never dull.<\/p>\n
From time to time a stranger manages to find a seat among us, usually as a guest of one of the locals. Some years back one of them commented on the broad array of experience and \u201ccountry wisdom\u201d he heard at that table, and he said we were sort of a modern version of the Knights of the Round Table. After a lot of scoffing, the debate came down to whether we were \u201cSerfs of the Round Table,\u201d or just the \u201cYokel Round Table.\u201d Point is that none of us takes ourselves too seriously, because we all know who we are, and posturing is difficult among guys who will deflate your ego quicker than you can spit.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
When I see Robert E.\u2019s truck parked on the back side of the caf\u00e9, I make the time to stop and have a cuppa. You only have to meet Robert E. to appreciate him. Or hate him. He\u2019s what we call \u201chard core\u201d, and I ain\u2019t talking about porn here. Robert E. jes\u2019 calls it like he sees it, has no regard for political correctness, and acts like he don\u2019t know what that is, but I have my suspicions. He\u2019s twice as fun when we have a newbie at the table, and no one misses that if don\u2019t have to. You can chuckle all day long over the shock effect that Robert E. can have on some city dude who has had the misfortune to be educated in a university, and then asked the wrong question.<\/p>\n
Now we\u2019ve got lots of wild pigs in our county (and I know you think I\u2019m talking about your county, but I\u2019m probly not), and it\u2019s pretty much the local sport to shoot at them on every occasion, and to make an effort to see that there are plenty of occasions. One of the fun debates at the Calf B is whether it\u2019s better to keep a rifle in the truck to shoot at pigs and other varmits, or just have a pistol at your side at all times, usually on the seat under a towel. The debate that follows that one is about calibers, and sometimes when the conversation seems dull, you can always liven it up with a question about the relative merits of .223 vs. .308, etc.<\/p>\n
When I walked in last week, Robert E. was amusing us all with a story we had heard many times, but it didn\u2019t bother us to hear it again. Seems it was sorta like an initiation rite. When we would get a newcomer at the table, it seemed we all had a favorite story or two that we liked to tell. Of course they seemed to grow over the years into legends, what with the retelling and the embellishments, until none of us could remember how much really happened and how much was the re-runs, and we could all tell each other\u2019s stories, if they weren\u2019t there. That was half the fun of it.<\/p>\n
So Robert E. had already told about the damage the hogs were doing to his pasture and how \u201cMe and Lee Roy\u201d had been after this one old boar, and he was just up to where the dogs has circled around and were coming toward him. He was standing on a small rise with his wife\u2019s new toy (Glock 16 in 9 mm, 16 rounds), waiting under a small tree to see what the dogs could flush out of the brush in the draw below. (He\u2019s real good about that, always testing out the latest equipment for his wife and daughters.)<\/p>\n
The dogs converged, and he could tell they had something, because the barking changed, then the movement halted, and more dogs were coming on the run. All of a sudden the brush exploded, about forty feet away, and this 600 pound boar came charging right at him. He was shooting as he backed up against the tree, hitting the hog nine times in the process. He slowed it, it stumbled, and he was up that tree just in time.<\/p>\n
Robert E. stood there in that tree and watched that hog kill three of his dogs and rip up two more before it had bled enough to stand still, and that\u2019s how Lee Roy found the situation as he came running up to finish it off with his AR-15.<\/p>\n
Now this was a favorite story, and we all like to hear it again and again, even though we don\u2019t understand why our grandkids like to have us read the same book over and over.<\/p>\n
Stonewall was serving refills on the coffee himself, because he liked to participate in this \u201ctheater in the round\u201d, and he timed it just right. Robert E. had stopped talking. Everyone appeared to be thinking, but in reality we were just waiting for the newcomer to ask questions. Stonewall drawled, \u201cWell, Robert E., did you learn anything from all that?\u201d<\/p>\n
Robert E. doesn\u2019t like to be rushed, he wants the newbie to ask the questions, so he returned the volley with, \u201cWhat do y\u2019all make of that? What do you think I should have learned?\u201d We all knew better than to say a word, so that left the vacuum they always fall in to. I was thinking this feller must have had more than one degree, and he confirmed it when he said, \u201cThat you should never hunt alone?\u201d Suppressed smiles all around. Robert E. said, \u201cGuess again,\u201d and sipped on his coffee. So our stranger said, \u201cYou needed more dogs?\u201d We were grinning now. Robert E. just shook his head. \u201cYou needed more ammunition?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNow we\u2019re getting somewhere,\u201d he encouraged the educated man. \u201cKeep going.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou needed a larger caliber?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat would have made a difference. Keep going.\u201d<\/p>\n
Our guest was out of ammo himself. \u201cI give up.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay, what was the biggest problem I had, and whose fault was it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, if it had been a smaller pig you would have killed it quickly, so I guess it was just your bad luck that he was so big and tough.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWrong,\u201d said Robert E. \u201cIt was my fault, and only my fault. That boar did what they all do, under the circumstances. I underestimated my opponent. My dogs pushed him up in that draw, surrounded him, and attacked him where he lived. And I placed myself in a position where he had no escape. Charging me was his best option over facing that pack of dogs. I did have a shortage of ammunition, and the caliber was too small. But my real error was in not taking that boar seriously in the first place. I put him in a position that endangered me. Big mistake.\u201d<\/p>\n
Our new friend was digesting this, in its infallible logic, when someone picked up a city newspaper left by some tourists passing through. He read the headline, \u201cConnecticut Gun Owners Defy New Law.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell,\u201d said the visitor, \u201cif that law passes here, then you won\u2019t be able to carry that high capacity gun any more, so I guess that means the end of your hunting of wild pigs.\u201d<\/p>\n
Robert E. was slow to respond, and his eyes grew hard, as he said, \u201cWhat it means is that all of us are being rounded up and attacked on all sides by a swarm of bureaucrats and politicians are passing a pack of new laws that take away our freedoms, and we, the People, are now like that wild hog. What do you think our response is going to be?\u201d<\/p>\n
Our city friend clearly did not like the direction this was going, but Robert E. didn\u2019t care. He said, \u201cWe understand that some dogs are gonna die in the process, but we also understand that someone sent those dogs. Someone passed those laws, thinking they could read about it later in the papers. When we\u2019re done with the dogs, some politicians had better be a long way off when the time comes, because they are just about to push us to a point that we cain\u2019t be pushed any further.\u201d<\/p>\n
Our guest was perturbed. \u201cI see your implications, but you can\u2019t be serious. I\u2019ve got a brother-in-law who\u2019s a state senator, and he\u2019s a great Christian man, a family man, a very smart man. He votes for gun control laws because he cares about your children and mine, and their safety.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll buy your coffee, Friend,\u201d said Robert E. as he stood up and picked up the ticket, \u201cif you\u2019ll just tell your brother-in-law my story about that hog, and let\u2019s hope he\u2019s as smart as you think he is.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, you are an extremist, Sir, is all I can say. I\u2019m glad to know that you are only one man.\u201d<\/p>\n
That\u2019s when Lee Roy piped up, \u201cLook around this table and take a poll, Neighbor, and recalculate your count.\u201d The man looked slowly at each one of the faces, all grim now, and each one of them nodded a silent vote of endorsement of what Robert E. had just said.<\/p>\n
Robert E. was counting out the change as he said, \u201cWe ain\u2019t the only caf\u00e9 on this highway, and we\u2019re all saying the same thing. Tell your brother-in-law I\u2019d like to meet him. If not soon, then maybe I\u2019ll look him up some day.\u201d And he walked out the door.<\/p>\n
Sometimes it\u2019s funny and sometimes it\u2019s serious, but the Calf B Caf\u00e9\u2019 is always worth dropping by and listening to the wisdom of the Round Table.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I can I like to drop in at the Calf B for an overpriced cup of coffee. It\u2019s not the coffee, which is passable, it\u2019s the company. They got this big old round table in the side room where the locals will be gathered in the event that it\u2019s \u201ctoo wet to plow\u201d, or \u201ctoo dry to plow\u201d, or \u201ctoo cold to plow\u201d, or \u201ctoo\u2026\u201d, well you get the idea. Sometimes it\u2019s funny, sometimes it\u2019s very serious war planning. But it\u2019s never dull.<\/p>\n
From time to time a stranger manages to find a seat among us, usually as a guest of one of the locals. Some years back one of them commented on the broad array of experience and \u201ccountry wisdom\u201d he heard at that table, and he said we were sort of a modern version of the Knights of the Round Table. After a lot of scoffing, the debate came down to whether we were \u201cSerfs of the Round Table,\u201d or just the \u201cYokel Round Table.\u201d Point is that none of us takes ourselves too seriously, because we all know who we are, and posturing is difficult among guys who will deflate your ego quicker than you can spit.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-bubba-sez"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5oOJg-1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":16,"href":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1\/revisions\/16"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}