{"id":49,"date":"2014-11-26T12:59:07","date_gmt":"2014-11-26T18:59:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/?p=49"},"modified":"2014-11-26T16:32:51","modified_gmt":"2014-11-26T22:32:51","slug":"seven-things-husbands-should-not-do-when-their-wives-are-hosting-ladies-bible-study-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/seven-things-husbands-should-not-do-when-their-wives-are-hosting-ladies-bible-study-1.html","title":{"rendered":"Seven Things Husbands Should Not Do When Their Wives are Hosting Ladies Bible Study 1<\/sup>"},"content":{"rendered":"

If there were any perfect answer to this situation, it would be summed up in one rule, two words:\u00a0 \u201cBe there.\u201d\u00a0 As in, \u201cDon\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0 The thing you should not do is to be there.\u00a0 Put another way, the thing to do is to be somewhere else.\u00a0 Out of town, when possible, is an excellent idea.\u00a0 Unfortunately, that\u2019s not always possible, for a multitude of reasons.\u00a0 Hence, this little guide is my service to you younger and less experienced men who may need a little help in the harmony department.<\/p>\n

Being men, not women, let us not analyze too deeply on the whys and wherefores of life, of marriage, of why women host Ladies Bible Studies, etc.\u00a0 They do, and being realists, we live with it, and we love them for it.\u00a0 Indeed, there are very few things for which we do not love them, but once again, let\u2019s don\u2019t go there.\u00a0 If we were to do so, we would regret it soon enough.\u00a0 So we love them for that too.2 <\/a><\/p>\n

Being men, let\u2019s get to the subject at hand.\u00a0 You can, and will, come up with more reasons, maybe even better reasons.\u00a0 Send them to the author and receive the gift of gratitude, along with honorable edition in future editions of this little manual.<\/p>\n

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  1. Unless asked to do so, do not even think<\/em> about how to decorate or how The Occasion should be run, in terms of program, content, etc.\u00a0 If asked to do so, do your dead-level best to demur.\u00a0 If impossible, then give it your best shot, in broad terms, with as little detail as, on paper or in e-mail.\u00a0 Just remember, if you do, and if anything goes less than perfect, guess whose fault it is going to be.<\/li>\n
  2. Do not leave the yard or the approaches to the house in a cluttered or messy condition.\u00a0 The status of your wife, indeed, her happiness in life appears to depend upon this.\u00a0 (As on many other things, of course, but on these Occasions, what she normally does not notice at all suddenly becomes an eyesore, an embarrassment, and an Event about which you do not<\/span> want to talk, later.\u00a0 Clean it up.)<\/li>\n
  3. Do not remain in the house after approximately half the guests have arrived.\u00a0 Say hello, politely, (go easy on the hugs), and excuse yourself with \u201csome work I have to get done.\u201d\u00a0 (If you can, then go knock off something on the \u201cTo Do List.\u201d You will gain major points during this time of exile from your own house.)<\/li>\n
  4. Do not \u201cpop in\u201d during the Occasion, for any reason.\u00a0 If you really, really, really need a tool or something from inside, sneak in and get it quietly.\u00a0 Practice your ninja skills.\u00a0 Don\u2019t disturb them with thoughts of your presence.\u00a0 (For minor things like your drivers license, forget it.\u00a0 Better to get a ticket.\u00a0 And this is one good reason to keep a spare wallet in the garage, along with a little cash and an extra credit card.)<\/li>\n
  5. Do not mow the yard, run the weed-eater or a chainsaw, anywhere in the yard. If you want to work on an engine, do so without it running, or be sure it has a very<\/span> quiet motor.\u00a0 You do not want to intrude upon the serenity and the sanctity of the household when the ladies are enjoying their solitude.\u00a0 You do not want them to think of you. \u00a0If it\u2019s a motorcycle, they may be allowed to hear it once, and briefly, and that sound rapidly diminishing as you disappear down the street.<\/li>\n
  6. Under no circumstances are you to take a bath, and certainly not if there is only one bathroom!\u00a0 What are you thinking?\u00a0 In fact, if you need to go to the toilet at all, and if you don\u2019t have a bathroom in your garage or some other remote location, then go outside in the bushes, if possible, or in one of your \u201csecret places\u201d.\u00a0 If this is not possible, then go to the gas station or convenience store or fast-food restaurant.\u00a0 It\u2019s safer that way.<\/li>\n
  7. Insofar as you are capable, do not allow interruptions of The Occasion.\u00a0 Salesmen, mailmen, UPS, incoming rocket fire, etc., it is up to you, if you are nearby, to protect the tranquility of the event.\u00a0 Do it.\u00a0 Quietly.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Here\u2019s the problem with being gone.\u00a0 On rare occasions, She will want your presence.\u00a0 Perhaps it is only to ask a question, after which you will disappear again, if you are smart.\u00a0 Perhaps she wants you to perform a feat of strength (move the couch, open a pickle jar, lift a corner of the house to show the ladies you can, whatever).\u00a0 It would not be best if you were still in town, and yet so far away that you could not appear, and quickly, at that!\u00a0 Ideally, she will not have to raise her voice or ring the porch bell.\u00a0 Ideally, she can push a button and you will appear.\u00a0 The in-between zone is dangerous.\u00a0 Very close is good, and hours away is good, since she won\u2019t call you if you\u2019re gone fishing, for example.<\/p>\n

    Thanks to modern technology, there is one thing you can now do which could improve many a marriage.\u00a0 Cell phones<\/span>.3 <\/a>\u00a0 Have one on you during these times of \u201cfeminine visitations of state\u201d.\u00a0 Not only should you have it on you, have it turned on, and have it charged up.\u00a0 They want your cell phone to be ready when they are, just like they want you \u2013 ready, turned on and charged up.\u00a0 It\u2019s not hard to understand.\u00a0 It\u2019s just hard to do sometimes.\u00a0 Do it anyway.<\/p>\n

    It\u2019s that simple, Fellows.\u00a0 Follow these seven simple little rules and you may expect harmony and prosperity to bless your domain for a long and happy marriage.<\/p>\n

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    \n

    1 <\/a> The same applies to Tupperware Parties, Avon Parties, Ladies Aid Society, etc., as it did in times past to quilting bees, pea-shelling sessions, etc.\u00a0 Pick your favorite \u201cladies only event\u201d and you will not go wrong.\u00a0 We will refer herein to these as \u201cOccasions\u201d.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    2 <\/a> If you don\u2019t understand this, you may well have a troubled marriage.\u00a0 Which means, as in all other situations, it\u2019s your fault.\u00a0 Seek counsel, Brother.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    3 <\/a> The controversy here is whether the older generation had it better, or whether men today have it better because of this contraption.\u00a0 What is of no controversy at all is that women today have easier lives than their ancestors did.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    If there were any perfect answer to this situation, it would be summed up in one rule, two words:\u00a0 \u201cBe there.\u201d\u00a0 As in, \u201cDon\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0 The thing you should not do is to be there.\u00a0 Put another way, the thing to do is to be somewhere else.\u00a0 Out of town, when possible, is an excellent idea.\u00a0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":56,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-49","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-bubba-sez"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/women_2441c.png","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5oOJg-N","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=49"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":59,"href":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49\/revisions\/59"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/56"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=49"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=49"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bubbasmith.us\/bubba\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=49"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}