Want a Free Farm in Alabama?

Now, this is not a joke.

For a mere $150 entry fee, along with a 200 word essay, you can enter and just might win this contest to own a 20 acre farm, complete with 56 goats and a guard dog, in Elkmont, Alabama.  Paul and Leslie Spell, of Humble Heart Farms, are moving to Central America where they will be teaching people how to start up operations for goat milk and goat cheese, etc.  Not only will you “inherit” the farm, but you’ll get $20,000 in cash to cover first year operations.

Seems to me like a very clever way for the Spell family to get out from under Reconstruction, (but hey, we’ve all given that some thought).  Meantime, if you’re trapped in the city, and you yearn for the country, here’s your opportunity to at least “purchase a chance” of winning.  If you’re purty good with words, you have a better chance than most of us.  It’s a clever raffle.  What we used to call a gamble – and what more appropriate way to start a farm, because that’s what ALL farmers are – gamblers.

Now that I think about it, I’ve got 20 acres in Central Texas that’s covered in Mesquite Trees and Prickly Pear Cactus.  Oughtta be perfect for goats.  Nothing else could live on it.  If you and 999 more kind folks will send me $150, along with a really entertaining hard-luck story, you jes’ might become the proud owner of Spiny Acres Ranch.  With a little bit of skillful marketing, you could soon be sellin’ all kinds of health-food products good for diabetics, from coffee and flour made from mesquite beans to prickly pear salsa and salads.  I think we’ll call it a “Mesquite Plantation with orchards of Prickly Pear just about ready to harvest.”  And I’ll throw in old Shep, too.  He’s got experience with goats.  (Which is why the neighbor jes’ build a new goat fence.)

And if you don’t like that idea, consider setting up an ethnic enclave with trailer houses.  We’re big on Equal Opportunity everything, and could help you get established.  In fact, LeeRoy had a biznes plan once, along those line.  He wuz gonna call it “White Trash Estates and Trailer Park”.  For a case of Jack Daniels (black label) I think I kin git him to throw that in for free.

I already know who the winner of the Spiney Acres Ranch lottery will be.  That would be me.  The grand, uh, loser will be the person whose name is drawn, and you do NOT need to be present to lose.  Just send small, unmarked bills to “Bubba” care of The Free Magnolia.  When we’ve got enough, I’ll let you know.

You may rest assured that Spiny Acres Ranch is completely uncompromised by any grants, subsidies, liens or other surprises.

We could start a trend with all this marketing through raffles and lotteries.  I’ll betcha there’s thousands of people who might like to unload their property on some unsuspectin’ city dweller.  And if anything’s for certain, there’s no end to them!

I ‘spect there’s some real cheap real estate up in Baltimore ‘bout now.  At a Yankee dollar for each chance, I’m wondering how long it would take to find enough suckers to pay for one vacant lot in between the guvmint housing and the welfare offices.  That’s what happens when the guvmint becomes yore sugar daddy.